Severly lonely, angry, bitter, resentful, hate my horrid life and people who destroyed me?

I realize that I've been destroyed and mutilated emotionally by my family and ex-husband, who was an abuser. now 52, i can't have a man, as no man will look at me, even though people say i look young. don't want to be by myself -- so killing myself would be just right. nothing to live for and i have so much hate. why does God let evil people live and rule. i want to tell somebody in my family off real bad, but it's considered disrespectful. i hate people that want to use you for their happiness. i hate living. haven't gone 2 my psychiatrist cause all she does is give me meds and i'm still crazy. if i don't get a man soon, it will cause me death. have no love. no friends cause i'm in a stupid, retarded, country state that i got tricked into coming too. i just need a good lover and some liquor.